Randomness 4: Relationship

by - Monday, November 25, 2013

Have been so emotional lately because a lot of things happened for the past two weeks. I'm mentally and physically exhausted due to some problems. I dunno whether i should post this out in blog or not and I've been thinking twice or more to decide whether i should compose this blog post or not, and yup, i decided to post it out because i just want to express my feelings at a place.

I guess most of my friends noticed that i had changed my profile picture, well some people guessed it correctly though.

For me, i always failed in maintaining a relationship (my personal thoughts), and somehow i think maybe it's my own problem or attitude problem. I dunno what happened actually whenever come to break up moment. Every broke up was like so sudden for me, it kinda shocked me because everything was just so fine the day before. I cried and somehow disappointed towards everything that happened, i just disappointed at how a person who said he love you always can said "Let's break up." so easily. It was like the worst method to solve a relationship problem.

My parents actually told me something like "if he doesn't give up, maybe you can give him another chance." Well, maybe i might sound a bit cold-blood but i just can't give another chance for the person who hurt me so deeply. I gave more than one chance for him and yet what i have was always another heart-broken followed by another. It actually make me felt very exhausted and annoyed. I knew that i can actually tolerate the problems but i just tired of everything. I was hoping that maybe things will change if i can have some personal time to rest, so i told him that why don't we separated temporarily and think about all the problems that we having now. He doesn't reject me but what came after was a message asked for break up. I was so disappointed when i saw the message. But still thanks to him for not saying it in front of me.

And now he said he's changing to become a better person. Well, it is a good thing to hear from him because i don't want to see him so down everyday. Yup, he actually came to me the day after we broke up and tried to save this relationship, but i just rejected him. I don't know why i can be so decisive at that time and decided to let go, and to my own surprise, i don't even shed a tears at that time. He actually cried when i rejected him. Perhaps it was my fault and selfishness that caused him heart broken.

Now it marked 2 weeks since we broke up, i hope he's doing fine.

If love is measured by how much one was in pain, then you were a love that I won’t ever have again.
Even if it’s in this way, even if it became a scar, thank you for settling inside of me.
Thank you for all the memories regardless it was a sad or happy memories, i truly appreciate it.
Thank you for letting me to have you back then, thank you for everything you did for me, thank you for your tolerance, thank you for your caring, thank you for your love.

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